Alan Harris/My Adoption Story (Part II): Flying Halfway Across the World to Meet My Birth Mother—A Journey of Both Healing and Hardship

Continued from Part I: Alan Harris/My Adoption Story (Part I): From Taiwan to America—Who Am I? Why the Craving for Belonging? Why the Anger?

Written by/Alan Harris
Translated and Edited by/Alpha Bridge Agency,Right Plus

My name is Alan Parker-Wei Harris (賈宏偉). I was born in Taoyuan, Taiwan. In 2003, at the age of six, I was adopted by a family in Ohio, USA. They became my new family, marking the beginning of a new life in a completely different world.

However, from my very first day of kindergarten in the States, I became acutely aware that I was different from everyone else. Despite my best efforts to fit in, throughout my school years and adolescence, I remained confused about my identity, constantly grappling with the question, "Who am I?"

As I entered middle and high school, I became increasingly irritable, and the rift between my parents and me began to widen. At the time, I projected all my inner frustrations onto them. I blamed them for adopting me, holding them responsible for my struggles with self-identity and my deep-seated insecurities.

By my senior year of high school, I started dating a girl and eventually moved in with her family. For over a year, I completely cut off all contact with my parents and relatives.

Looking back, I realize that deep down, I was terrified that my family would eventually leave me. I lived in fear that if I made a mistake, I would be abandoned again. As a defense mechanism, I chose to isolate myself—pushing away anyone who tried to get close to me, even if it meant hurting them in the process.

In early 2019, I started to reconnect with my family. My mom and my sister invited me to meet them at a McDonald's one day. They asked me whether I had ever considered going back to Taiwan to find healing and answers to the questions I had carried for so long.

I admitted I had thought about it, but I didn't know how to make it happen. I thought that going back to Taiwan was too expensive. 

That's when they told me they wanted to help me on this journey. Mom and Grandma offered to cover my flights and hotel expenses. 

I sat for a moment in silence as this was a very big decision, one that would require a lot of emotional vulnerability and revisiting feelings that I had shoved deep down inside since I was a child: the pain, loss, and anger of leaving my birth country and being adopted. 

The idea of going back to Taiwan and possibly meeting my birth mother after 15 years was nerve-wracking. But I also felt a deep pulling. I needed to do this. 

I took time to pray about it and soon let them know: I was ready. I was going to return to Taiwan—not just to see where I came from, but to search for healing, identity, and peace. 

The People and Food of Taiwan: Rediscovering a Sense of Belonging and Awakening Memories of “Home”

The nerves began to kick in as I thought about how this venture was going to unfold. Would I even know what to say to my birth mother? Would I recognize her? Would I get emotional and cry? How would I communicate my deepest feelings toward her? How would she react when I see her for the first time after 15 years of separation?

Then I began thinking about the questions I wanted to ask her. There were so many questions, such as what the real reason was for placing me for adoption, what I was like as a child, what my birth father was like, how many siblings I had, what they were like, what had happened since I went to America, and so many more. The more I thought about this meeting, the more anxious I became.  

This wasn't just a trip; it was a journey back to the beginning so I could better understand the person I had become and embrace all the pieces of my story. And that's where the next chapter begins.

On the day of traveling, I frantically packed the rest of my things and headed to the airport. The whole traveling period was an experience on its own. I was flying across the world again, back to my home country—alone. 

In absolute amazement, as I was on my last transfer flight to Taiwan, I began to see more Taiwanese people and experience a new feeling I hadn't felt—belonging. I looked around and saw "my people". 

When I landed in Taiwan and entered the airport, I was very lost and adrenaline was the only thing keeping me going. People around me were all speaking Mandarin and I had not even the slightest clue what they were saying. Being led by signs (that thankfully had English written on them), I located the immigration/passport control area.

I waited in a long line, and while waiting in line, that feeling came back. The feeling of belonging rushed over my whole body. For the first time, I blended in. I looked like everyone around me. This feeling was something I had searched for all these years. 

I am so very thankful that I had contact with Cathwel Adoption Services, the agency through which I was adopted. Without the help of the social workers, I would have been completely lost and the whole trip would have been a disaster. On the way to Cathwel, I couldn't help but stare out the window at all the buildings marked with Chinese characters and the scene of so many scooters riding throughout the city.

I finally arrived at Cathwel and met social workers who had helped in my adoption process 15 years prior. Yet again, I was met with a familiarity of memories that were flooding my consciousness. Everyone was so kind and wanted to help me in any way they could. I was then shown the kitchen and I got to eat my first local Taiwanese dish (some rice with vegetables and meat, but cooked in a Taiwanese way). As I ate each bite, the taste brought back a feeling of home. 

Later on, I was taken to the old street right behind Cathwel, Shenkeng Old Street. There, I tried stinky tofu, pig blood cake, and other dishes that continued bringing me back to my childhood. The rest of the day was spent relaxing and preparing myself for the meeting with my birth mother the next day. 

Embracing My Birth Mother, Sharing a Meal with My Biological Family, and Returning to the Place of My Birth

The following day, I was filled with excitement but also a lot of nervousness as I anticipated the amazing opportunity to meet my birth mother after such a long time apart from her.

As I waited in the meeting room and the social worker went to get my birth mom, my heart felt as though it was going to jump out of my chest. I was shaking from the realization that this was about to happen in a short few moments. At last, my birth mom walked into the room and I saw her face, her eyes, her smile. 

Instantly, I felt a warm rush of emotions as memories of my childhood years in Taiwan flooded into my mind. While we embraced each other with the long-awaited hug, I felt her warmth and could remember her smell. 

She began to sob and through her tears, she began saying " I'm sorry, I'm sorry." My heart sank and I realized how much guilt she carried all of these years. 

As I mentioned earlier, I had prepared a list of questions that I wanted to ask her, questions that had been haunting me for years. I was so thankful that we had the social worker to help translate everything. We sat in the room for two hours unpacking all the questions, the full backstory of why adoption happened and what I was like as a child. 

There were lots of tears and laughter. As time went on, I could feel the reconnection and healing I had longed for over so many years. Although this was so good for both of us, I felt so exhausted emotionally and needed time to process.

After the meeting, I was able to meet my grandma and grandpa (my birth mom's parents). It is hard to describe this reconnection as anything other than: The Beginning of True Healing.

We all went out to lunch at a restaurant nearby. Looking up from my food and seeing my biological family right in front of me, even with a language barrier, left me speechless. All of those years of confusion, anger, and hurt, just seemed to disappear as I sat there at that table. Grandma and grandpa were very curious about my life in the U.S. and I was interested in knowing more about them. We all just couldn't stop smiling and looking at one another. 

In the following days, we visited the clinic in Taoyuan where I was born. We would visit the burial temple where my birth father's ashes were kept. He passed away when I was only three months old; in a motorcycle accident He was only sixteen. 

I had the opportunity to have dinner with my whole family at a traditional Taiwanese restaurant, getting to try so many dishes—some that I remembered from when I was younger. I also had the chance to visit the park where I often played as a child (and slide down one of the concrete slides that I could so vividly remember).

The two-week time frame passed by so quickly that it all seemed a blur, but I didn't expect to experience yet another familiar emotion as I began packing my things. This feeling, though, was the pain of having to say goodbye. This overwhelmingly heavy emotion, as if my heart were being ripped out, washed over me. Once again, my birth mother and I were being separated. 

Recapping the whole trip as I sat in the airport waiting to fly back to the U.S., I felt a mixture of feelings, a new found sense of wholeness, but also a new love for Taiwan and not wanting to leave. At that moment, I knew I wanted to return to Taiwan as soon as possible. 

Leaving the U.S. for Taiwan: Five and a Half Years That Felt Like a Dream, Yet Led to My Downfall

When I returned back home to the U.S., I revealed my plan to move to Taiwan and as I suspected, my family was quite devastated and hurt. I was, once again, leaving the family much like what happened senior year of high school. 

There was a heavy tension between me and the family and I felt responsible for it—but I needed to do this for myself. 

This next part of my story is about a five-and-a-half-year time frame. I moved in with my birth mom, stepfather, and my three half siblings. I woke up each day feeling as though this was all a dream. It was so interesting how we all couldn't verbally communicate (we used a lot of Google Translate and hand gestures), but there was a connection that felt so warm and comforting. 

After some time, I figured that I wanted to reapply for my citizenship so that I didn't have to leave Taiwan every three months on my US visa. I regained my citizenship after completing a lot of paperwork and I even served in the Taiwanese military for a period of time.

When I came back from the military, I began working as a basketball coach for an English speaking sports camp. After a short while I transitioned into teaching English as a tutor and modeling on the side. Quickly, I established myself in Taiwan and my new friendships. I was falling in love with in this country.

This all sounds amazing, but to every good and positive aspect of a story, there are typically some tough challenges that also exist. I'm going to be very vulnerable with you as I share these parts of my story.

As I mentioned earlier, I grew up in a Christian family in the U.S. and was raised to carry myself with strong character. When I moved to Taiwan, the freedom away from accountability allowed for my downfall. 

I began meeting and spending time with the wrong crowd of people and started partying—drinking and doing drugs. I knew this was wrong, but continued to walk down a path that was leading to destruction. 

During those five and a half years, my relationship with my family back in the States was very hostile. There were moments when we communicated, but the majority of the time was spent almost hiding from them and keeping a distance. I never visited once during this time.

As I got older, I began realizing the importance of family and relationships. I started to see that my actions really have consequences and that it affects those around me. These realizations led me to return home to Ohio for the first time in December 2024. 

The original plan was to visit for a short period of time, but I have since healed my relationship with my family and with God, and I am still here nearly a year later.

"Adoption" Like Everything Else in Life, Has Both Its Beauty and Its Hardships 

I am now older than that 21-year old Alan who made that decision to move to Taiwan in 2019. He didn't know what he was doing, but he just wanted peace. I am now working and living in the States and continuing to work on myself. 

I share my story not to talk negatively about adoption, but to explain that adoption, like everything else in life, has both positive and negative facets. 

On the outside, many believe adoption is just all amazing and wonderful, but in reality, it is a tough journey for everyone, including the child, the adoptive family, and the birth family. To find a balance of a relationship between the three is very challenging. 

I admit that my situation is very rare, that I had the opportunity to reconnect with my birth family and continue a relationship. However, I do not wish any of the hardships I went through on anyone. I am so blessed to have my Taiwanese roots, but I am also so blessed to have been given my great family here in the States. 

From the little boy who hated being different and never felt like he　belonged, I now can thankfully say that I am proud of who I am. 

I am grateful to God that He carried me through all my tough times throughout all of these years. I am thankful to my birth mother who gave me a life of opportunity to go to America. I am so blessed with an amazing family in the U.S. who love and care deeply for me. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. 

I would like to leave you with this last thought of mine: "Life's experiences are the raw material of wisdom, with each joy, failure, and detour shaping who we're meant to become."

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